Fertile Schmertile

March 11, 2008

Hanging in There

Filed under: adoption,anxiety,infertility,IVF,parenthood — by M. @ 9:22 am

Waiting, waiting…I’m doing pretty good with the wait so far.  Mostly because we’ve been so stinkin’ busy around here that there’s not been much time to worry on it.  Having a two year old will do that to you.  Your days are over before you get a good handle on what you are supposed to be doing for the day.  You worry about tomorrow tomorrow.

Every last one of us is exhausted, from the treatments, the trip, the recovery, the toddler’s birthday party, preparing for hubby’s golf trip.  Friday’s beta will be here before we know it.  I have bought a few sticks to pee on, and could probably get away with doing one tomorrow, but I think I’m too scared to do it.  You think Target would give me my money back for something like that?

When I do have the luxury of time to think about it, I waver between the excitement of the possibility that it worked and the surety that it couldn’t have.  I haven’t had any symptoms of anything really…the progesterone is being kind to me so far.  I just have twingy things here and there that could be anything or nothing, most likely just recovery from all the trauma of retrieval.  I know I haven’t slept well, despite the fact that I am so bone tired this week, I should be able to pass out as soon as I lay down.

Oh, and I don’t think I mentioned in previous posts that I wanted to stay low-key on who we told we were even having IVF, both at work and personally.  Well, early on, DH pretty much told our whole friend network and his whole family, so that was blown in the water.  I told my supervisor and mgt. team, because I needed to be able to explain the sick time off work.  I told my brother and his wife because they had to care for the boy during our trips for the treatment. The night before retrieval, I finally told my mom, out of guilt.  And anyone I’ve spoken to, I’ve let them know I’m hesitant to tell because I don’t want to have to deal with questions about “did it work,” looks of pity if it doesn’t, and all that comes with it.  Just so you know, I am so, so sorry that most of the people on that list are in the know.  If there was a way to do it all again, where NOBODY knew IRL, I’d do it in a heartbeat.  I’m ready for questions about adoption, I’ve done that and have my responses down pat.  But for this, I’m not as prepared to deal with it.  But then again, if we hadn’t told anyone, and this happened to work, we’d constantly get the, “see, everyone always gets pregnant as soon as they adopt” BS that is just so untrue for the majority.  Or they’d think and comment on “see, I knew you just needed to relax and it would happen.”  Ahh, to be able to truly relax.

So that’s where I am today.  Its rainy, dark and I’m tired.  Blah.



  1. I’m sorry you are feeling so blah.
    I guess you learn as you go along about who you are comfortable telling. Hopefully there will be nothing but good news to share from this cycle, but if there isn’t, and you have another try, then you will be able to be more selective.
    But you know, this way, if you get bad news, you can hide under the doona for a couple of days and no one will wonder why.
    Hang in there!

    Comment by chaletgirl — March 11, 2008 @ 1:20 pm |Reply

  2. Fingers crossed!!!!

    You are way better than me. When we were TTC I had a bad habit of taking tests way too early… Like 4 days before period was due… Then I always said it was too soon and took another a couple days later!!! (No wonder dh was ready to move on to adoption!!!)

    Comment by Marci — March 11, 2008 @ 8:39 pm |Reply

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