Fertile Schmertile

March 6, 2008

When it Rains…

Filed under: anxiety,infertility,IVF — by M. @ 8:52 am

…it pours.

Friday after my retrieval was a rough day…really rough.  I almost had myself talked into thinking I had the flu.  In addition to my guts feeling WAY too packed in there and painful, a throbbing headache all day long, and difficulty moving about, my clothes were hurting my skin and all my muscles and joints felt achy.  I think I was feverish.  At a little before 8, it was so weird, BAM, I felt immensely better all at once.  Not perfect, but more like I thought I would have the whole time.  It just so happened that Friday is also the day DH brought Woobie home from daycare…with pinkeye.  EEW!  So…much of the evening was spent washing sheets and pillowcases, disinfecting doorknobs and sink handles…everything.  Which wore me out.

Saturday I was feeling quite a bit better, but was on my own with the little one.  DH is someone who can’t say no to anyone, except me apparently.  He was off to help a friend do some remodeling work, while I was left with a little guy who had green goo oozing from his eyes and nose.  We didn’t have to go to the doctor’s office, thank goodness, because they called in some drops for his eyes to the pharmacy.  We went there, followed by a quick trip to the store and settled home for the day and did the best we could.  DH came home and was feeling achy with a sore throat.  Mind you, we’re set to leave Monday for transfer, and I’m now dealing with trying to take it easy, trying to contain a pinkeye-infected, snotty nosed little toddler AND his miserable daddy.  We got through, but man, trying to put eyedrops in for little guy was rough going.

Sunday I had pretty much demanded that DH deal with the child because I had no other time to gather supplies and gifts for Woob’s birthday party the following Saturday.  Sunday is also the day I started my Prometrium tablet.  I skipped church (shame on me) and headed out to order the birthday cake.  Before I ever got to the bakery, I had the uncontrollable urge to cry.  For no reason.  I was just so overwhelmed and sad all of a sudden.  I continued to feel the urge as I quickly picked out a Lightning McQueen cake and ordered my favorite donut.  By the time I rushed out to my car, I was in total tears.  Picture me sitting in my car, eating a bavarian cream filled donut and just crying right there in the parking lot.  Ditto for the trip to the party store.  Next stop, ToysRUs…to pick out a birthday present.  Totally overhwelmed.  Wandered around in a kind of daze and just couldn’t do it. I called DH to run some ideas by him and just kind of lost it.  I went and “hid” in the baby section while I tried to gather myself together and explain to DH just why I was crying, but I couldn’t because there was no reason in the world to be doing that.  The answer was simple enough.  I had just lost my ever-lovin’ mind.  I managed to get out of there with gifts and make it through W*l-M*rt without further incident and make it home in one piece, only to lose it again within a minute of entering the house.  After that, no problems, right as rain.  Can prometrium make you crazy that fast??  Can I at least blame it on hormones?

But of course, as Woob started getting better, DH started getting worse.  He had chills, was lathargic and his throat was killing him.  All I could think about was how in the world were we going to make this 3 1/2 hour trip on Monday.

Speaking of Monday, DH stayed home from work because he was so sick.  I had to go in to work, but was beginning to get the sore throat and runny nose…perfect.  In 24 hours, I was somehow supposed to have my transfer, but was getting more run down by the minute.  And my crazy brain had taken over the night before with dreams of an empty womb, as well as Woob’s birthday party being ruined by sprinklers going off.  I know.  I’m weird.  When things get overwhelming, my dreams sure reflect it.  I slept Sunday night til 2:15 and that was it.  No more. 

Monday was stressful.  My angel of a boss allowed me to take off work a few hours early so I could rest in case I had to drive us to the clinic.  That allowed me to sleep for two hours and start packing our stuff as well as everything Woob would need for his overnight at his cousin’s house.  Rush, rush, rush.  Thank goodness DH was feeling better when he finally got up and took a shower.  I had a little hope we might actually get out of town at a reasonable time (HA!). My throat was hurting more by the minute.  I didn’t want to take anything for fear it would effect the transfer the following day.

We did finally make the long drive, hubby at the wheel, in the pouring rain, in time for me to collapse at the hotel and get a miraculously good night’s sleep.

Whew, I’m tired of writing…I was tired of stressing.  I bet you’re tired of reading.  After all that, I guess the point of it is…we have so much riding on this IVF, and we’re told to be stress free, relax, and all that.  But life gets in there and throws wrenches at every turn.  How does anyone relax?  Am I the only mother of a toddler who’s stupid enough to try IVF?  Did any of the others survive to tell about it??



  1. I have no experience with a transfer (or even a 2ww) at this point, but as someone with clinically high stress-levels, the one reassuring thing that my doctor told me is that ‘Every single woman he sees in his clinic is stressed. And if they weren’t before coming in, they are after their appointments.’ So all those success rates for different procedures are of stressed women. Made me feel a little better.

    Comment by Rachel — March 6, 2008 @ 9:12 am |Reply

  2. Thanks for that Rachel. I needed to hear it!

    Comment by M. — March 6, 2008 @ 9:34 am |Reply

  3. Oh, hon, I am sorry. Call me if you need anything this week. I cna hold your hand while you cry, give advice on gifts, anything.

    Comment by Marci — March 6, 2008 @ 10:54 am |Reply

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