Fertile Schmertile

January 18, 2008

Oh, NOW I Remember!

Filed under: anxiety,infertility,IVF — by M. @ 3:48 pm

One of the reasons we stopped IF treatments several years back was because I was so tired of the push and pull of it all, the lack of control, the feeling that no matter how hard I tried to make sure I knew every step that would be coming up, something would trip me up anyway.

The last straw at that time came when I called the RE’s office to start a new cycle as planned and the nurse basically said, “surprise, oh, didn’t we tell you we’re changing how we code your insurance billing, so you’ll have to pay all out of pocket from now on.”  And followed it up with some (in my opinion) insensitive comments about how I should feel lucky I even got to do a few cycles at all–think of all the “girls” who never got a chance.  Yes, sorry girls you never got a chance, but, excuse me Nurse Nelly, we were talking about ME just now.  Anyway, that day I got off that train because I realized in pretty short order that I had started to hate everyone and everything and that the nurse (insensitive though she was), probably could have told me that I was skinny and beautiful and had pretty feet, and I still would have taken it the wrong way.  It just became very unhealthy.

Fast forward about four years and one adoption later to TODAY.  I have been in fairly consistent contact with my RE’s office about my upcoming cycle.  Here I am again thinking I can somehow take control of this situation, learn all I need to learn and have all necessary ducks in a row…silly, silly girl.  I was told when we first met with the RE that we’d be on a regular protocol, and it has stood since then that I would call the office on Cycle Day 1 and we’d go from there.  I’ve been trying VERY hard not to drive the office workers crazy with calling about this that and everything else, and just let it all happen, all the while planning my life around what I saw would be my treatment calendar this month.  CD 1 is set to occur next week.  So I waited until the end of this week as directed to call and get my meds ordered, and protocol explained to me and much to my surprise…they changed it to a Lupron cycle.  Here I am calling on CD 24, and had I just been willing to bug the crap out of them, would have called the beginning of the week, which would have allowed me to start this cycle this month.  Calling three days “late” (yes, I am supposed to read freakin’ minds, I guess!), has resulted in waiting another month for the IVF.  I’ve just been sitting around, counting down, being a patient, quiet, good little patient and look–I got screwed.  And I am immediately transported emotionally to where I was then. 

Its only a month out of my life, and it really changes nothing…except the fact that I wanted to start out this time with a really nice, zenlike, peaceful feeling about it all.  I’m sure Dr. S hears it a thousand times a day–“mama’s not getting any younger doc, can you hurry this along?” 

The only upside of this I can see is that our workplace fundraiser is held the same evening I originally anticipated we’d be traveling the 3.5 hours and back for egg retrieval.  Instead, I will be dressed up, mingling with nice people and sipping a lovely raspberry champagne.  Cheers!

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3 Comments »

  1. Oh my! It does infuriate me to no end that doctor’s offices are run they way that they are…argh that you now have to wait another month. Oh well. The bright side is the fundraiser with the champagne. Hang in there!

    Comment by Michelle — January 18, 2008 @ 6:29 pm |Reply

  2. I’m so sorry you have to put up with that nonsense and hop on the waiting train (seems we’re all waiting for SOMETHING these days).

    Kudos to you for finding the silver lining!

    And as always, good luck when it’s time!!!

    Comment by thanksgivingmom — January 18, 2008 @ 6:49 pm |Reply

  3. Ugh…Well, hope you enjoyed the champagne. I don’t get the lack of communication there… I hope February is a brighter month! And do it – bug them! I know I always spent 2 or 3 days trying not to bug our social workers when we were waiting to be matched with an expectant mom – and every time – after I’d call, I’d at the very least, feel SO much better that there was no news, but that I had touched base.

    Comment by StorkWatcher — January 30, 2008 @ 6:16 am |Reply


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